What Kind of Refreshment Are You? // Natalie & Vera

"Never undervalue what you bring. Take time to think about all the ways you can be generous—your time, your possessions, how you use your home—there are just so many ways to give."

— Vera Schmitz

Today's Episode: Vera and Natalie are talking about refreshing others and being refreshed in ways only two sisters could. Laugh along as they discuss what kind of "refreshment" they each would be (Vera's an espresso and Natalie is an Ensure). Be encouraged by stories of how they have been refreshed in unlikely ways and be challenged as they talk practically and creatively about refreshing others.

This month's memory verse: “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” — Proverbs 11:25

Want to go even deeper? Study along with Natalie in the monthly Dwell Differently Bible Study Membership.

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Links from today's show: 

• On Magic and Miracles by Marian A. Jacobs.
• Everyday Gospel by Paul David Tripp.
• Do Everything in Love Necklace
• Dwell Differently Bible Study membership. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hey, welcome back to the Dwell Differently podcast. I'm your host, Natalie Abbott, and I got my sister Vera with me. What's up? I feel like we haven't, sometimes we batch these when we're being really good to ourselves. And it's been a while since we hung out because we batched some last time. So here we are. Yeah, here we are in real life, in real time. Only your name says Vera Q. I know. What is the Q for? It was an accident. It was a typo. And here I am. Yeah, Vera Q. Sometimes I typo my name. It's totally fine. This is a type B type person. If you're a type B person, you type in V-E-R-A-Q when you're entering into a studio space and you don't delete the Q because you're like, it's fine. If you're a type A person, you're like, ah. Yeah. I'm just going to call you Verac today. That's great. This is my sister, Borak, and we're going to talk about generosity and refreshment. I specifically, though, I'd like been doing these other recordings with other people and the teaching recording. And the one thing that I'm like, man, I want to talk about this is refreshing, being refreshed and refreshing others. So our verse for this month says, if you haven't already memorized it along with us, it says, a generous person will prosper and Whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. It's from Proverbs 11, 12. And guys, if you want to know how this is a formula. Proverbs 11, 25. Close. Did I say 12? Did I say 11, 12? Yeah, 11, 12. You just counted right up. 13, 14. Okay. No, it's Proverbs 11.25. And if you want to find out the context for this, if you want to figure out like a biblical idea of generosity and prosperity and how this isn't the prosperity gospel, if you want to know all the different little things, you can go back to the teaching episode. You can go to our other guest episodes. But today we are specifically looking at that little phrase, whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. And I just want to dive into that with you, Vera, because I think that's such an important thing. And specifically, what ways do you feel like you are equipped to refresh others? Like if you were going to be, you know, are you Coca-Cola? Are you iced tea? Are you sweet tea? Like what kind of refreshment are you just generally naturally in your own self? I'm coffee. Ooh, are you iced coffee? Because I feel like iced coffee is the only thing anybody's drinking right now.

SPEAKER_01: 2:47

Yeah, only in the summertime.

SPEAKER_00: 2:49

No, I only say that because that's my favorite form of refreshment. So I hope I'm coffee to other people, but maybe. I think my personality, like what I bring to other people, and I sometimes don't love this about, I wish I was a Fanta or something. Like one of our sister-in-law, Kayla, she's a Fanta, like just a full party. So her refreshment is she brings jokes and joy and spontaneity. And she's like a magical person. Yeah, for sure. Actually, she's not even a Fanta. She's like a ice cream sundae, like root beer flow type. She's a Fanta C type. And I think I'm more like a jolt of coffee. Like I am like black coffee. I think a lot of the time. You're like a shot of espresso. I'm kind of a shot of espresso. I think I tend toward like truth. That's like what I bring to a friendship or to a refreshment. A lot of times people call me when they're in a really hard situation and I am able to be a voice of maybe wisdom or clarity, they're less likely to call me to go to the party. No, I'm just kidding. People call me to go to parties. But I do think that's my specific gifting in terms of maybe refreshing others. So yeah, it's probably a shot of espresso. What about you, Nat? What do you call those old people drinks? Ensure? I'm like an insurer. No, I'm serious, though. Why? I wish that I were telling a lie. I feel like I always have conversations of sustenance, of like, I can't help but talk about somehow, like, oh, I was reading the Bible the other day, or you know what I mean? Like, I'm that person, and I don't even know how it happened, but I am like, I try not to be super Jesus-y, but I'm just like, somehow something is always reminding me about Jesus. And I'm like, well, you know what the Lord said. And my kids have started making fun of me for it. So I really need to... Maybe tone it back a little bit. You can still be like nutritional, but maybe not an insurer. Like maybe get like, maybe you're like a V8 or like a muscle milk protein shake. Those actually taste good. I don't know. Yeah, that's true. I guess I just see myself and I'm like, I see myself through the lens of my teenagers. So it feels like an insurer, but maybe it's like, yeah, maybe I'm the after-workout or pre-workout drink. I don't know. That's hilarious. That is hilarious. I would agree with that though. I feel like you're always, you can't not take it there. I wish I couldn't. And you know what's funny is that I do feel like I love, like one of my favorite things to do is to go dancing. And I like, I love to be around a big group of people. I love a party. I love all of those things. I love hosting people. I feel like I'm fun. But like, Maybe I'm just an insurer. No, you are fun. You are fun, but your specific gifting is actually having really bad dance moves. That blesses and refreshes all sorts of people. That's true. Maybe I'm like one of those joke drinks that you think is going to be lemonade, but it's actually like vinegar or something. Oh my gosh. You're like, what is that? Oh my gosh, that's funny. No, you are. That's your specific refreshment, I think, is you will only bring the substance and what's interesting I think for you I've watched it's like sometimes people want that and they come to you for that they like to get the truth and to get fed and then they're like oh I actually didn't want this yeah I'm gonna avoid her next time yeah it's true it's true it kind of comes I think it comes with the territory also being a pastor's wife yes And it's just like, you can't get, it's unavoidable. People know. And it's, you know, it's funny because Jason and I, my husband, we have to like be very specific about boundaries, about like talking about church all the time or, you know, when we're with our friends to talk about church, there are times when we're like, hey, we're not going to talk about church tonight. So we're off the clock. If you have a crisis, you can call me on Monday at 9 a.m. and we'll talk through the situation with you. And I'm actually not, I was going to say I'm joking, but I'm actually, I'm not joking. No, no, you need space. We've actually had to say things like that before. But all jokes aside, you know, I do think that what I'm trying to get at is how each of us are uniquely gifted and to be somebody who lives out this verse in a very specific way. You know, that whoever refreshes others will be himself refreshed. So, like, there's something particularly Vera Schmitz, about Vera Schmitz, that makes her a refreshing type of person in specific instances. And not that you can't, again, be refreshing to people in a way that is just completely... wonderful and other varied ways that I wish that I were more like. But I do think sometimes we undersell ourselves or we don't even consider, like, I think maybe a good action point with thinking about this first is like, how do I, how can I identify the things that I'm actually well-equipped to do to refresh others? Because I think sometimes we think about generosity in a verse like this, like, oh, financially. But the multitude of giftings that we have in the body of Christ are just, I don't even know. There are just so many of them. So what is it that you specifically, how could you specifically look at your life and say, this is a gift that I have. I know how to cut people's hair. Maybe I could volunteer my services at the at-risk youth home and cut their hair or teach them how to cut hair that sort of thing like what is it that you can offer that maybe you even are undervaluing that would be something that would give life and give hope and give the gospel even to people who are in need of it totally and I think too like as I was looking through this verse and writing about it a little bit it's like The financial part of it is great, but sometimes when you are in need of being refreshed, the other tangible ways that you can receive or less tangible ways that you can receive refreshing are actually more valuable. It's like, man, I actually just need somebody to sit and listen to me today. I'm like, You don't even need to have advice. You don't need to be a sage. You don't need to be an insurer. You don't need to be a cup of coffee. I just need you to just sit here and listen. So I think, you know, never undervaluing what you bring is super important. important and taking the time to think about like kind of all the categories of ways that you can be generous, time and your house, your possessions, how do you use your home, that kind of thing. There's just so many ways to give. Guys, I am so excited to tell you a book that I personally cannot wait to read. It's called On Magic and Miracles by Marian A. Jacobs. It tackles everything from Narnia to Harry Potter. These questions that believers have wondered for years, like what do we do with magic in fiction? Is it harmless fun or a slippery slope? And what's the difference between a miracle and magic? Is all magic bad or just some? Could fantasy books actually lead to the occult? And how do we help our kids think through all of this? Guys, if you've ever wondered how to make sense of fantasy through a biblical lens, and this is the guidebook for you. And the hope here is that you would discover how imaginative stories can point us to the true story and honor the God who made us creative. So if you're looking for a book like this, guys, get your copy at onmagicandmiracles.com. That's onmagicandmiracles.com. There's a link in the show note. Be sure to check it out. This episode of Dwell Differently is brought to you in part by Crossway, publisher of Everyday Gospel by Paul David Tripp, one of my personal favorite authors. Guys, we know that reading the Bible is important, but sometimes it feels more like a chore than like joy. And Everyday Gospel is a great way to help us with that. It's a daily devotional that walks us through the whole Bible in 365 short, practical reflections. And guys, Paul David Tripp is just so relatable, such a great author. He connects scripture to real life. So if you want to get a copy, you can do so wherever books are sold or you can If you want to follow the link in our show notes at crossway.org backslash everyday gospel devotional, you can get 30% off if you sign up for a free Crossway Plus account. So that's crossway.org backslash everyday gospel devotional. And if you have trouble remembering that, just go to our show notes and you can click on that link. Yeah, I think that's so true. And even just thinking about like people who are lonely. You know, or like sometimes I think about my family and my children and I don't think about them as a resource. Like the community that I have that I'm in my home every day and I'm in community with these people that for me to invite somebody who lives by themself over for lunch, you know, after church, could be just a tremendous blessing to them that I don't even see because I don't look at everything I have as a resource. I don't see all of the abundance in my life all the time and how specifically certain things in my life could meet the needs of people who have an unspoken need. I remember when I was in college, actually, that the church I was attending had to adopt a college student thing. Mm-hmm. And so there was this family that adopted me as their college student and they would like have me over like once a month for dinner. And it was like so incredible to eat like a home cooked meal

SPEAKER_01: 13:39

with

SPEAKER_00: 13:40

a real family and just be in the presence of other people that were not my same same college students eating dorm food. You know what I mean? Or spaghetti or ramen or whatever. Yeah. Totally. I was just talking with my husband about this. I was talking about this couple who, at his work, we were at like a conference thing, and kind of the leaders over his group, him and his wife were so... I look back at that time and I'm like, they were so interested in us when we were 25, 26 years old. Just like I thought that I was... so cool because they were so interested and they were, you know, maybe 15 or 20 years older than us. And I just think back to that time and I'm like, I felt so important, loved, cared for. And I wonder now, like when, even in like a non-Jesus-y way, it's like even in an interaction at a work function for my husband, do the younger people who are 10, 15 years younger than me, do they feel like I'm invested, excited, think that they are important and valuable when I interact with them? Like, what a generosity to look at somebody and give them your headspace, you know, like to actually be present, asking the next question with intention because they matter, you know? And I just, it made me like, I told them, told Matt, I was like, we need to write them a note and just say, thank you so much for like making us feel like we mattered, you know, when we were the youngest people in the room. That's so cool. I had a woman at church one time just randomly come up to me and say, hey, I was praying for this for you. And it was just something that I had shared like in a women's group or something. And this was like probably six months later. And I just remember being floored by that comment that like here she was in so many ways giving me her attention in a way that was completely unknown to me until she had said, hey, I just I want to let you know I was praying about that for you. And I just wanted to check in. And I'm like, I forgot I said that. You know what I mean? Like, how did you remember that? How are you still praying for that? And I could share with her like this is what God has done. And it was great. But like, I already forgot about it. And here you are considering me in a way that just feels so generous and kind. How beautiful is that? Okay, so I have the reverse question though. So how can we be a refreshment to others? How can we be the people who are bringing the generosity of Christ into the lives of other people? But the reverse is also, I think, really significant for us to consider, which is like sometimes... This verse says, whoever refreshes others will be themselves refreshed. Sometimes you're the other. So when you're the person who needs to be refreshed, what does that look like for you, Vera? Is that something that you're naturally good at? What kind of cup are you, so to speak? Do you have holes in the bottom? Do you have a lid on it really tight where no one can ever pour anything into it? No, it's definitely the holes. Holes in the bottom. Definitely holes in the bottom. I just had some friends recently who were like, hey, you keep ripping yourself down. Stop doing that. Like, I think I sometimes... I definitely poke holes in me. I also think that I can sometimes... I've just noticed this recently, where I go to others to be refreshed, which is good and right. But at the end of the day, they're also limited resources. So the people who I most commonly go to, so my husband, it's like, he's only a human and he can only refresh me so far. And then I have to be reliant on the Lord. And I was in church on just a Sunday and I was feeling like, I wanted more for my husband. I'm like, can't he hold me any, like, can't he hold me more, you know? And, you know, God was generous and kind to me that the sermon was just right, spot on, right for me. And I just felt like my strength was renewed. And so I think sometimes it's so easy to rely on what we can see. rather than going to the Lord and knowing that He's our ultimate source of refreshing. So that's something that I just recently had experienced. It's not always that way, but I do think we refresh each other, but ultimately God is our source of ultimate refreshment. My husband was never my savior, could never be my savior, can never give me total and complete love or total and complete care. He can only do what a... what a human can do and a great human. But at the end of the day, I have to look for all of that total refreshment from God. Yeah. I think that's really true.

SPEAKER_01: 19:09

What about for you?

SPEAKER_00: 19:11

Yeah. Are you a cup with a lid on it? Am I a cup with a lid on it? Yes. You're like, I don't need refreshed. I'm not dry at all. Yeah, I'm the dried up sponge. So oftentimes that's like, if I just squeeze a little harder, something will still come out of me. And you're like, look at me, I've got something for you. Yeah, I just made you this bread at midnight because that was the time I had to do it. And yeah, you know, it's interesting. I had an interview with Christy Purifoy and I was writing up the... the stuff that she had said. And we were talking about this idea of refreshment. And one of the things that she said that really struck me, and I keep being struck by this concept, is that sometimes I think we think the most spiritual thing we can do is pour into other people. It's like, God, what can I do for you? People, what can I do for you? How can I serve? How can I... All of this. And we look at receiving as... less spiritual or maybe selfish and definitely not like the number one thing that we should be doing is receiving and yet if we fully understand the gospel then receiving is the first thing that we have to do because in and of ourselves we don't have anything to give we have we have zero things we have and and more than that like it's also this acknowledgement of like, I'm empty. Like I have nothing to bring you Lord and I cannot earn the things that you are giving me. So I think so often, I would say in my relationship with Jesus, I'm really good at being like, my hands are open, I'm empty, help me Jesus. But I'm very bad at then communicating my need to other people. Mm-hmm. And allowing, I especially am bad at allowing people in, in real time. I'm really good at being like, well, last week that was really hard. Or last year I really struggled with. But like, was I sharing those things with people at the time in my community? I think it's because you also have a hard time of even recognizing it sometimes. Yeah, that's also true. I'm just not good at resting and I'm not good at recognizing. Mm-hmm. So therefore I'm not a very good receiver. All of those R's I think kind of go together. You have to like recognize and then you have to actually rest in order to receive. And yeah, I have a very limited window of space in my day that I give myself to receive. And it's like the very first part of the day when I spend time with Jesus and then the rest of the day is go, go, go, pour it all out. Yeah, so. I don't have a good answer for that. Is it just me being a real human with real struggles? No, I think it's helpful for people. I think receiving is, it really can be difficult. They say a lot of times in generosity, it's easier to give than to receive, to take the time to receive or to, once you've received a gift, some people can't do that. They feel paralyzed by receiving something from somebody else. And part of that too, I think, is even our individualistic society where if you didn't work for it and earn it, then you don't want it, you know? Or we also have this idea, this transactional way of living where it's like, now I owe you something.

SPEAKER_01: 23:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 23:06

Like, oh, please don't give me something because now I have to give you something back. Totally.

UNKNOWN: 23:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 23:12

Totally. I'm saying that for real. Anybody who knows me in real life, don't give me stuff. I don't want to give you anything back. I'm just kidding. Kind of. I'm kind of kidding. I have a friend who is always asking me to coach a high school track. And I'm like, no. They're like, we'll pay you. I'm like, don't ever pay. I will come volunteer all. I will volunteer, but do not pay me. I don't want any of the ties that come with receiving that from you. Yep. Yep. For real, for real. I hear that. Okay. Well, guys, I don't even know that that was helpful for anybody. We might have confused people more than we helped people. I hope that that helps. And if it doesn't, maybe, you know, spend some more time with the Lord and look up what the Bible says about generosity or do our Bible study because that's actually, you know, where the real meat is. That's where the edited version of these ideas, actually, it gets ciphered down into what is not heretical and what is hopefully biblical and helpful. Yeah, that's good. All right, V, thanks for joining me today. And yeah, I hope that this will be refreshing to anybody who listens. Yes, amen. Guys, I'm jumping out of my seat to tell you about our new Dwell necklace. It's 1 Corinthians 16, 14. Do everything in love. What a beautiful reminder for us as we consider what we're doing as we go about our days. What a beautiful thing to share with somebody who asks us what our necklace means. More than that, our necklaces are made with love by our partners at Starfish Project who help trafficked and exploited women and girls experience freedom, establish independence, and develop careers you can feel good about. buying this necklace. More than that, it's tarnish proof. It's 14 karat gold plated stainless steel. So it is not going to tarnish. And it's just amazing. I hope that you love it. Go over to dwelledifferently.com and check it out.